Who she is now is who she will be. It is how she is made.
This is what she does and when she sits at the table and peers out the window ... picks up a crayon ... I can see her little mind go. She wants to capture something: a moment, a memory, an idea, a dream.
And I can relate.
But I am not an artist and my drawings now look a lot like hers at age 5. No, I pick up a pen and a camera. And I used to feel silly. I am learning to let that go.
But I think on who we are-- all of us-- and how we try so hard to be something other ... to be like someone other.
I think on how exhausting this way of living can be.
How I can wander sort of aimlessly, heavy-limbed, feet dragging. All out of sorts. Like when I try to be on a planning committee or wear the big bangle jewelry. I am terrible on a committee. And the jewelry is heavy and awkward on my neck and it just makes me insane.
And when her dear teacher said she had difficulty "moving on" from a project, I nodded and grinned. "This will be a great trait for academics," she said. "But socially, she may have a hard time when others go on to new activity."
I nodded some more. I know this about her too, how she doesn't like to be rushed and how, when she has an idea, she makes a plan and then follows through until it. is. finished.
It is very cool to witness. And it requires a lot of patience, on my part.
So she is only five and she will grow and learn and change in so many lovely ways. I can hardly wait to see. But this need to capture and re-create won't change. I believe it to be a gift. And when her teacher said that my girl hums her way through her art, I smiled again. Yes.